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Late-Night Television

Christie Brinkley is a beautiful woman. Chuck Norris is a handsome man. Together they advertise The Total Gym. This is a piece of exercise equipment for home use and meant to help, would be customers to become physically fit.

If you have any doubts about this, you too can stay up all hours of the night watching television. This seems to be a good time to explain that Buck was a late-night person. He was an owl I was and still am, a lark. Some of our children have inherited this late-night trait. Unfortunately, the world does not work this way. That is why coffee joints do so well. All these late-night people need the caffeine jolt in the morning to wake up.

Buck’s favorite night programs were M.A.S.H. and Monk, and it appears, infomercials. One particular night he discovered the beautiful Christie and the handsome Chuck demonstrating The Total Gym.

Years earlier, Buck had suffered a devastating stroke and his body was weakened and he struggled for years going to physical therapy to strengthen his body. So, in his mind this was an ideal solution. Never in his life did he enjoy exercise but the view of these two perfect, strong bodied persons convinced him that this was worth the $14.95 cost. Just $14.95.

It is important that you understand this figure. He had his own credit card. That is an entirely different issue that we will discuss another time. Suffice to say he purchased inexpensive items for birthdays and Christmas. So, he found his card and gave the information to the person on the other end of the 800 number he had called. In the mean time I was blissfully sleeping through it all.

We shared a front porch with our neighbors and from time to time they would have UPS and FedEx boxes delivered. I rarely ordered anything so imagine my surprise when a three by five FOOT box appeared at our front door. This couldn’t be mine, so I pushed, shoved and pulled the box to our neighbor’s. The next morning the box was back in front of our door. This time I took a closer look at the address and Earl’s name was the on the invoice from The Total Gym.

I pushed, shoved and pulled the box into our front hall. I opened the invoice and there in plain numbers was the price of $1,495.00.

I had to yoga breathe before I could speak. I wish I could tell you that I did not yell and stayed calm. But, that would be a lie. I did yell and I was not calm…yoga breath or not. Beautiful Christie and handsome Chuck had done their job. Another late-night customer bit the dust.

I cannot remember for sure but is seem that it cost us $50.00 to return the Total Gym.

I felt badly for Buck. His judgment at times was compromised and this was just such a time. So, be cautious about the deal that is too good to be true. In Buck’s defense I have to think that the beautiful Christie dazzled him, he was only human.

If it sounds too good to be true it probably is….Betty

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